Hudson's Story

In loving memory of Hudson James Watt

I am going to try and keep this story as short as possible as it is a long and painful story.

My partner and I found out we were pregnant with our first in August 2020, and we could not be happier. We had our 12-week scan and got told we had to go to a specialist. My doctor only said there was a concern with the abdomen wall I asked if I had anything to worry about, and he said "NO". How wrong he was. At 16 weeks, we went to the specialist to get told our baby had a birth defect, which was called GASTROSCHISIS (the bowel was growing on the outside of the body). My heart stopped. I had no words. We then got told we would have to go to John Hunter hospital for the rest of our pregnancy and deliver there as well. I fell apart as soon as we walked out the door! We travelled 4 hours from our hometown to John Hunter hospital every 4 weeks until 28 weeks, and then we went every 2 weeks. We had a birth plan that we would deliver at 37 weeks. We were told we would be in hospital for months, so we prepared mentally and physically for that stay. They explained the procedure that they would perform regarding the bowel, and that scared me to death. At every scan we attended, we got good news, and everything was looking as good as it could. We found out we were having a boy. On the 10th of March 2021 at 33 weeks and 4 days, I attended our local hospital as I had reduced fetal movements. Within 30 minutes, I was having an emergency c-section. I was given a general anesthetic. I remember waking up, and my partner told me he wasn't breathing on his own, but he was OK. Then I saw my baby boy. I felt a love I had never felt before; I had no fear because my baby was here. I couldn't hold him, but he held my finger, and I got to touch him and talk to him and watch his eyes open and close and react to the sound of my voice. He was transferred to John Hunter. I did not get transferred to John Hunter until the next day. I was furious about that. After 2 days at John Hunter, everything was going well until 9pm on Friday, everything changed for the worse. They sat us down in a room with about 6 doctors, and we got told the worst news a parent could hear: "Your baby isn't going to make it". My heart broke. I walked out of the room before they finished talking and fell on the floor, crying tears I didn't think were possible I couldn't get up. They took me to my baby, and I got to hold him for the first time and have skin to skin. He was still breathing as he was hooked up to the machines. We had family travel from far away to come to us and meet our beautiful boy. Grandparents' aunties and uncles. They all got to say goodbye to him. After hours had passed our family then went into another room while my partner and I had to do the hardest thing we will ever have to do in our lives take the tubes out that was the reason our baby was breathing. Our baby's heart kept beating for 10 hours after taking the tubes out. 10 more hours of him, knowing how loved he was by his parents. 10 more hours we got with our baby as his heart kept beating. He held on for as long as he could to spend time with us and feel his parents' love. That's what I believe anyway. We then spent 2 nights with him after he passed at the hospital. I will never forget my beautiful Hudson and the time I got with him. It hurts every single day without him, and it will for the rest of my life. I will never be the same person, and I will talk and say Hudson's name to anyone who will pay attention and listen. I miss you every day, Hudson James, my beautiful baby and I love you more than words can ever say. Thank you for taking the time to read Hudson's story.

Amy Hodgens

Australia

Submitted 07/04/2022

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